Wisdom on Dating Print

Pastor David Koop

Dating or courtship is a lot like a diamond. To make it sparkle it requires a lot of focus and patience to polish the many facets of a healthy relationship.

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  1. Be secure in your relationship with God. Matthew 6:33
    1. This is the most important relationship in your life.
    2. It will produce the fragrant aroma in your life you want to wear and it will be a safeguard against the spirit of rejection. 2 Corinthians 2:16

  2. Don’t discount your single days or waste them. Married life has extra challenges. 1 Corinthians 7:28b
    1. If you are not content as a single you will not gain it by dating.

  3. Dating God’s way will require faith. Hebrews 10:38
    1. Faith is a risk. It is in the now, present tense. It pulls what you hope for in the future into the present by acting on God’s promises.

  4. Love is the bond of perfection; perfection isn't the bond of perfection. Colossians 3:14
    1. Look at whom God puts in front of you (e.g. Boaz & Ruth).
    2. Many don’t find the right person because they have a list of what the perfect man/woman is like. Let God’s standards be the criteria.

  5. Learn to listen to God. John 10:27

  6. Dating wisely requires making multiple wise choices. Wise decisions are based on knowledge so consider your sources carefully. Isaiah 7:15 & Deuteronomy 30:19

  7. Respect your parent's judgment. Deuteronomy 5:16

There does comes a point in the dating relationship when you need to consider, “Is this the person I want to marry”? It is the second most important decision of our life.

Questions to consider before marriage:

  1. Are they a real Christian? 2 Corinthians 6:14
    1. Equal yoke – if not the plow goes sideways – your marriage goes sideway. You never reach your full potential.
    2. Whatever you compromise to keep you will lose.

  2. Do you have compatibility in spiritual things? (Fasting, prayer, giving, trusting God’s word)
    1. Do you agree on the major doctrines in the Word?
    2. Do you agree on which church to go to?

  3. Are they responsible financially?
    1. Ladies, can the guy take care of you? Does he have a job? Does he have anything to show for the money he made?
    2. Guys does she spend all she has or is she like the woman in Proverbs 31? Can you provide for the lifestyle she expects?

  4. Do you agree on how to spend your money and time?
    1. What is your most treasured possession and why? What a person is sentimental about reveals a great deal about his personality. Is it his bike or a watch given to him by his grandpa?
    2. If someone says “It is none of your business where I spend my money.” Beware.
    3. If they have already are eager to “invest” your money before you are married, beware.

  5. Can you trust this person? Have they given any reason not to trust them?

  6. How to react under pressure? How do they handle adversity? How do they respect your boundaries? Psalm 101:7 & 2 Timothy 2:3
    1. It is under pressure that we see the fruit.
    2. Do they lie about their achievements, their past, substance abuse, finances, whereabouts or being with someone else?
    3. Do they get angry? Do they swear? Have they ever hit you?
    4. Do they trust God and move in faith or unbelief? Do they run to God and the church or from God?

  7. When conflict happens was forgiveness asked for and granted?
    1. If they call the next day and act like nothing ever happened, beware.

  8. Do you want your sons to be like him and your daughters to marry someone like him? Do you want your daughters to be like her and your sons to marry someone like her?

  9. Does the person have control over their sex drive?
    1. If they can’t control it while dating there is a high risk of an affair after marriage.