Pastor David Koop

Listen now  

Many great relationships never become all they can be because they are destroyed by a lack of judgment.

Factors that break down relationships:

Jealousy

• Proverbs 27:4
  Anger is cruel, and wrath is like a flood, but jealousy is even more dangerous.
• Proverbs 14:30
  A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones.
• James 3:14-16
  But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.
• Jealousy often leads to gossip.
• Proverbs 16:28
  A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.

Antidote – Trust God

• Don’t deny it. This is not some little problem in your life.
• Trust God when He says you are special. Every time we are jealous of somebody else we are revealing an insecure heart.
• Remember that God is in control.
• Whenever we are being jealous, we’re doubting God’s love.
• Gratitude is a great anti-virus. The more grateful we are, the less prone to jealousy we will be. If we can raise our gratitude, our jealousy is going to decrease.

Selfishness

• Proverbs 18:1
  An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment.
• Philippians 2:3
  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
• Selfishness often leads to betrayal.

Antidote – Serving Others

• 1 Corinthians 10:24
  Don’t be concerned for your own good but for the good of others.
• Philippians 2:1-5
  If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.
• John 13:13-17
  “You call me ’Teacher’ and ’Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”

Criticism –  Finding Fault

• James 4:11
  Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you.
• If we are criticizing we are not connecting.
• Proverbs 19:11
  Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Antidote – Encouragement

• Begin by praying about the issue.
• Is it really a big issue in the light of eternity?
• Proverbs 19:11
  Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
• Hebrews 10:24, 25
  Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.
• If it needs to be addressed, do it privately and with encouragement.
• Offer to help find a solution.
• Cut each other some slack.
• Be real, authentic, talk from your heart.
• Resolve conflicts early.
• Matthew 5:23,24
  “This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”
• Be consistent.
• Listen twice as much as you speak.

Pride

• If pride is involved the relationship is doomed to fail.
• Proverbs 11:2
  When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.
• Proverbs 16:18
  Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.
• Proverbs 29:23
  A man’s pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit will retain honor.

Antidote – Humility

• James 4:6
  God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
• The greatest relationship of all can break down because of pride.
• Revelation 3:17-20
  You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked. So I advise you to buy gold from me—gold that has been purified by fire. Then you will be rich. Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness, and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see. I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference. “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.”