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Picture of Pastor Karen Kepkay

Pastor Karen Kepkay

Hold Fast to Your Family

Family Is God’s Design
Family is and has always been God’s idea. He ordained it and designed it long before the world culture had the chance to redefine it. The apostle Paul points to us that our Lord has revealed Himself to us as a Father –  2 Corinthians 6:18: “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”  Fatherhood is sacred and it originates with Him.  Hence everything we understand about healthy family life flows from that reality.
 
When a man understands what God’s fatherhood looks like — His love, His forgiveness, His acceptance — he begins to have a foundation he can build on. Not a perfect model from his own home necessarily, but a perfect model from his heavenly Father.
 
The problem is that this understanding has eroded in our generation. Many fathers have been absent — physically or emotionally. Many have misused their authority. And children have grown up without a clear picture of what a father is meant to be. The consequences not only affects the well being of a child, but has great affect in adulthood, that in turn becomes a social issue.  “Sociologists are now confirming that fathers not only play an indispensable role in the home, but also in the nation. Many of the problems we face in society today — drugs, poverty, teenage pregnancy — are directly related to the absence of fathers throughout the past several decades.” (David Cannistraci).


Godly and healthy fathering matters. It is an absolute essential for the flourishing of society and seeing generations rise up to make a difference for the Kingdom.

A Generation in Crisis
The generation growing up right now is facing something serious. Young people between 14 and 17 spend an average of eight hours a day consuming content on their phones. They have access to more information than any generation before them. But information is not wisdom. And what this generation lacks is wisdom.
 
The statistics are difficult to read. This generation reports suicidal thoughts at four times the rate of older generations. They carry the highest rate of youth suicide in fifty years. And they are the first generation in modern history that does not expect their future to be better than their parents’. That is a generation without hope.
 
They are also deeply confused about identity, gender, and what marriage and family are supposed to look like.
But here is what the research also shows: when it comes to guidance on life and right and wrong, both Generation Z and younger adolescents are turning to their parents and grandparents. Not social media personalities. Not teachers. Not even pastors. They are turning home.


Your children and teenagers are listening to you more than you realize. And consider this: studies show that when a grandparent has a consistent, caring relationship with a grandchild, the rate of suicidal ideation in that young person drops. Your presence in their life carries more weight than you may know.

Spiritual Parenting
What this generation needs is not more information. They need someone to show up, guide them spiritually and be emotionally present.  I saw what that looks like firsthand during one of my mission trips to Ukraine. Our team ministered in orphanages to children and teenagers who had no parents and no family structure to fall back to.
 
I met a young man there who had come to faith through the local Ukrainian ministry team. They did not have a formal program or training for these orphans other than visiting them weekly, loving on them, and showing them how to follow Jesus. It was simply faithful couples who kept coming back, becoming his spiritual parents. They encouraged him. They gave him vision for his future when he had none. They showed him what a godly family looked like by living it out in front of him.
 
Years passed. That young man graduated from law school. He married a wonderful woman. They had a son. When the war came, the three of them immigrated to Canada, and are building a life here.
 
I am convinced that what made the difference was not a resource or a curriculum. It was people who stepped into the role of spiritual parents and refused to let his past become his future.
He had no natural father. But he was not fatherless. And today, the cycle that could have continued has been broken.

That is the influence that every father, grandfather, and spiritual parent have when they are willing to show up.

First: Receive the Father’s Love
Before a man can be a good father, he must first allow God to father him.
This is not a small point. It is the foundation of everything else. You cannot consistently give what you have not received. A man who grew up without affirmation will find it hard to affirm his children. A man who never experienced unconditional love will struggle to love unconditionally. This is not an excuse — but it is a starting place.
Romans 8:15 — “The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.'”
God adopts us as sons. He does not wait for us to earn it or have it figured out. He meets us where we are, He affirms us, and He calls us His own. He is pleased with us. That experience of being fathered by God is what makes it possible to father others well. Larry Kreider in his book the Cry for Spiritual Mothers and Fathers gives us glimpse of God’s heart:
“God desires to restore fathering and mothering to His kingdom, and it starts with His promise to be a Father to us. For believers to experience true family life, fathers must assume their responsibility as spiritual fathers.”

Start there. Let God be your Father. Everything else builds on that.

Then Rise: Your Children Are Your First Disciples
Fatherhood is a spiritual responsibility, not only a natural one. Your children are the first people God has called you to disciple. They are your mission field! Before your ministry. Before your career. Before anything else on your schedule.
 
Every day your children are watching how you live. They see how you handle conflict, how you speak about others, how you respond under pressure, how you treat their mother, and whether your faith is something you actually live or something you perform on Sundays.
Deuteronomy 6:6–7 — “These commandments that I give you today shall be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
This describes a father who is present in the ordinary moments of life. Faith is not primarily transferred in formal lessons. It is caught in everyday living — in the car, around the table, in the difficult conversations you choose not to avoid.
Psalm 127:3 — “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”

They are not a distraction from your calling. They are your calling and your reward.

Hold Fast: Fight for Your Family
The family is under pressure from every direction, even spiritual. This is not new.  But the intensity of it in this generation is real, and fathers need to respond with intention and much prayer.

A strong family protects children. It gives them stability, identity, and a framework for understanding the world. Strengthen a family and you strengthen a church. Strengthen churches and you strengthen a city. It begins at home.

So the call is simply this: hold fast. Stay present. Stay engaged. Do not drift.
If you did not come from a good family — if your father was absent, or broken, or harmful — that does not have to be the story you pass on. You can decide that the cycle ends with you. Many men have made that decision, and by God’s grace and the support of a good church community, and by following God’s instructions, they have kept it.

You do not need to be a perfect father, just a real one. In a world full of noise and performance, fake news, and deepfakes, your children need a father who is genuinely present more than they need one who has everything figured out.

Turn the phone off. Sit at the table. Have the conversation. Ask how they are doing and wait for the real answer. Be there on the ordinary days when nothing significant is happening. That is where it counts.

Children do not mainly remember what their father said. They remember what their father consistently held onto and he made them feel. Dads, hold fast to your family. The next generation needs you to stay anchored in God, and be present with them.