Is It Possible to Truly Love My Siblings?

As a church, we’ve been on a sermon series going through the book of 1 John, with an emphasis on what it looks like to “Abide” in Jesus, according to John 15:5 where Jesus said, “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” (NKJV). This past weekend we heard from Pastor Anthony Greco on the topic of abiding in love. You can view this message HERE.

Love is a key marker for anyone who claims to be a follower of Jesus. We know this because Jesus said it would be so in John 13:34-35 (NLT), “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” In John 13, Jesus was speaking specifically to his disciples, commanding them to love each other just as He had loved them. The Apostle John would broaden this command to all followers of Jesus as he writes to the early church in 1 John 3:14-16 (NLT):

If we love our brothers and sisters who are believers, it proves that we have passed from death to life. But a person who has no love is still dead. Anyone who hates another brother or sister is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don’t have eternal life within them. We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters.

This power to love others, especially other believers, is proof to the world that we have been transformed and transferred from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light. The emphasis here on loving the family of God is important, because if we can’t even love our brothers and sisters in Christ, how can we truly love all people who may not have the same values as us? The key idea here is that loving our family should come first and yet if we’re honest, loving our family can be the most challenging of all. With a friend, if you disagree or get into an argument, you can distance yourself from that friend or even cut off all communication. But with family, you’ll always be connected somehow whether you like it or not.

The ability to love our siblings, whether in the family of God or even in our biological family, greatly depends on the resurrection power of Jesus at work in us. At this, many who follow Jesus, would say “amen”, but what does this practically look like? I believe it looks like embracing a new Kingdom expectation for relating with others and choosing to move toward loving actions by faith.

A New Kingdom Expectation

Growing up, I used to think sibling rivalry was normal and unavoidable. I’m not alone in this way of thinking, as even the medical field puts it this way: “Rivalry occurs between most, if not all, siblings to a varying degree. Rivalry may be manifested as a verbal or physical attack, frustration, persistent demands for attention, or as regressive phenomena.”¹ For me personally, I grew up with a big sister and a younger brother. When we argued as children, things got very heated and I’m sad to say that I recall being boiling mad and even being physical with my siblings on a regular basis. Typically, I would feel guilty for being mad and we would always reconcile at some point. This went on for years and I remember thinking this was normal, especially because I heard of the same issues amongst my friends and in the shows or movies I watched.

In my young adult years, I remember casually talking with a friend from church who seemed to have a healthier Christian upbringing than myself (my mom was young in her faith and my dad had not chosen to follow Jesus yet). I will never forget my friend’s response when I asked her about whether she had sibling rivalry with her brother and sisters. She told me that this didn’t exist. I was shocked… “what do you mean it didn’t exist? How is that possible?” She proceeded to tell me that while they may have disagreements, they were taught by their parents to never allow bitterness or resentment to take root. Disagreements could be resolved without hateful fighting, and a value of love could be upheld that led to forgiveness and choosing to think the best of others. This was a complete paradigm shift for me. Could I have an expectation to get along with my siblings? 1 John 3:15 echoes Jesus’ principle about anger that he shared in His Sermon on the Mount regarding the Kingdom of God in Matthew 5:21-22 (AMP):

You have heard that it was said to the men of old, ‘You shall not murder,’ and ‘Whoever murders shall be guilty before the court.’ But I say to you that everyone who continues to be angry with his brother or harbors malice against him shall be guilty before the court; and whoever speaks [contemptuously and insultingly] to his brother, ‘Raca (You empty-headed idiot)!’ shall be guilty before the supreme court (Sanhedrin); and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of the fiery hell.

From what Jesus said God’s Kingdom is like, it’s clear that even having hatred in our hearts toward someone else is just as bad as being a murderer. That seems like a dramatic comparison, but that’s how serious God sees hate in our hearts, because this feeling can grow, if left unchecked, into wanting to murder someone else. And if this is the case, then with the help of the Holy Spirit, we ought to make every effort to deal with disagreements and divisions with others immediately, rather than letting them fester and become a way of life.

Moving Toward Loving Actions

The Apostle Paul instructs God’s people to never “pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone” (Romans 12:17-18 NLT). He goes on to say in Galatians 5:19-26 (NLT) what living in the power of the Holy Spirit is like:

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results of very clear: … quarrelling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy … Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.

From these letters to the believers in Rome and Galatia, living with love is made possible because of the transformation God brings (Romans 12:2) and the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives as we abide in, stay connected to, Jesus (Galatians 5:22-23). But as God transforms and as the Holy Spirit works in our lives, we don’t wait to feel like loving others in order to truly love others. We can move towards loving actions by faith, trusting that the transforming power of God through His Spirit will help us along the way. This principle of walking by faith can be found in 2 Corinthians 5:7 (NKJV), “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” We also have precedence in Scripture for God empowering those who put action to their faith, rather than waiting for something to happen in order to obey God. Moses being used by God to part the Red Sea for the people of Israel to cross is a great example of this in Exodus 14:15-16, 21-22 (NLT):

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving! Pick up your staff and raise your hand over the sea. Divide the water so the Israelites can walk through the middle of the sea on dry ground … Then Moses raised his hand over the sea, and the Lord opened up a path through the water with a strong east wind. The wind blew all that night, turning the seabed into dry land. So the people of Israel walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground, with walls of water on each side!

The Israelites had to “get moving” by faith even though they had reached what seemed like a dead end, or even though it was very clear that the Egyptians were going to overtake them. Moses didn’t wait for the waters to part before he raised his hands over the Red Sea in front of the Israelites. In the same way, we don’t wait for ideal circumstances in order to walk in God’s Kingdom ways. We can and we ought to move toward loving actions even when we don’t feel like it, trusting that as we do this, the Holy Spirit will work in and through us to bring about peaceful relationships with our siblings.

Once I understood that I could expect and believe for a healthy and loving way of relating with my siblings, I became more proactive and prayerful about putting action to my faith, loving others the way God has loved me. I no longer expected to have boiling anger toward my siblings, but rather expected love to rule and reign in our relationship because we collectively have turned to Jesus as our Lord and Shepherd. This expectation was matched with loving actions done by faith. Ever since this intentional shift of thinking and doing, I can’t remember the last time I was boiling mad at my brother or sister, whether in my biological family or in the family of God.

Is it possible to truly love my siblings? The answer is yes! When we embrace a new Kingdom expectation for relating with others and choose to move toward loving actions by faith, we begin to see the resurrection power of Jesus at work in us! This is true not just for adults, but for kids and youth too! Parents can help establish a Kingdom expectation of love for their kids in the home that is contrary to the world’s way of doing things. As followers of Jesus, we can all put this into practice in our homes, workplace, church small group, or church serving team. And all this is to show the world we are disciples of Jesus. As the world watches the way we authentically love each other in the family of God, they will be encouraged to consider becoming disciples themselves.