Abiding in the Father’s Love

From the moment we’re born, every heart is wired with the same longing to hear the words: I love you. You are mine. I am proud of you. This is not just an emotional yearning. Psychologists like John Bowlby and Brené Brown have shown that every human being is hardwired for love, acknowledgment, and connection. Pastor and theologian Tim Keller once wrote:“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is… what we need more than anything.”

Pastor Dave has called this yearning your Father Quotient, and whether spoken or unspoken, whether fulfilled or neglected, this need lingers with us into adulthood and shapes the way we lead our lives, parent our children, and even relate and serve God.

But it is weekends like these that can be felt the most.

For many, Father’s Day is a joyful celebration. For others, it highlights a reminder of absence, loss, or disappointment. The good news is that regardless of where you are in terms of your Father Quotient, there is a Father whose love is perfect, unlimited, and already available for you today.

I know this because I spent years unknowingly chasing it.

Growing up without my earthly father, I carried an orphan’s heart into adulthood—a heart that longed for affirmation, affection, and acknowledgment. I didn’t realize how much I was trying to earn these things from people, especially from men I looked up to in leadership. I feared their disapproval. I craved their praise. And when I didn’t receive it, it made me feel unseen, insecure, and small.

But one night during a time of prayer and seeking, He opened my eyes to see that what I had desired and longed for in earthly relationships was already mine in Christ Jesus.

The Love Every Child Needs

At Jesus’ baptism, the Father’s voice thundered from heaven: “This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” (Matthew 3:17) In that single sentence, Jesus received what every child—and every adult—still longs for:

1. Affection: “This is My beloved…”
2. Acknowledgment: “…Son…”
3. Affirmation: “…in whom I am well pleased.”

That night in prayer, I saw the incredible truth: If you are in Christ, then the same love the Father had for Jesus is the love He now has for you. And if I could receive His love, then the very things I longed for and yearned for in others, I could experience through Him.

Three Benefits of Receiving the Father’s Love

1 John 4:15, 16 says, “Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us.” We are called to not just know that we are loved, but to believe in that love that He has for us. When we do that, three things happen:

1. Insecurity is Replaced by Confidence

When we receive and believe the Father’s love, the need to perform for affirmation begins to fade. We no longer have to measure ourselves against others, hoping to be “enough.” Instead, love settles our identity in Christ, giving us boldness before God and people.

1 John 4:17 says, “In this, love is perfected with us so that we may have confidence on the day of judgment…” Confidence grows when we stop looking for approval and start resting in the reality of His love for us.

2. Love Casts Out Fear and Timidity

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…” (1 John 4:18)

The word “fear” in this passage comes from the Greek word deilia, which means timidity or cowardice. It’s not referring to a healthy reverence or awe, but the kind of fear that shrinks back and makes us second-guess His love, His protection and His plans for us.

But when we receive the Father’s love, that timidity is driven out. We step forward not with arrogance, but with courage that is anchored in the reality that we are loved by Him.

Timothy was a leader who was inundated with timidity. Not only was he young, but the church he pastored had heavy hitters such as John the Beloved (and most likely Mary, the mother of Jesus), Priscilla and Aquilla, Apollos, and not to mention Paul who spent 3 years ministering in Ephesus. To add to it, he had to deal with false teachers, spreading lies within the church. You can imagine the intimidation this young pastor felt.

When Paul wrote to him later on, he mentioned love as a primary ingredient in defeating timidity in his life:“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

If you deal with timidity, being secure in the love of God is the answer.

3. Love Enables Us to Love Others Better

“We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)

This might be the most beautiful fruit of abiding in the Father’s love: we no longer love others from a place of emptiness, striving, or performance. Instead, we love others based on the love we have received from Him.

But simply, we cannot export what we have not imported. When we import His love, it is exported to those around us and we stop using people to meet our needs and start serving them with joy and freedom.

You will begin to see it in your parenting as the much-needed patience it takes to raise children begins to come naturally. Our friendships become more honest and less superficial. Our leadership becomes more sacrificial and less self-serving. 

A Call to Abide

Jesus said: “As the Father has loved Me, so have I loved you. Abide in My love.” (John 15:9) To abide means to stay, to remain, to make your home in something. It’s not a one-time event but a daily decision. But, how do we do this practically?

One of the best ways is to begin to acknowledge His love continually. This was the key to Jesus’ success in overcoming insecurity and rejection in His earthly ministry. In fact, before the cross, He said, “You loved me before the foundation of the Earth…” (John 17:24)

You can also pray that His love be revealed to you. This is the prayer that Paul prayed over the church in Ephesus: “…that you may have power… to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge…” (Ephesians 3:17, 18). 

This Father’s Day, our prayer is that you would pause to hear the voice of your Heavenly Father say to you: “You are My beloved child. In you, I am well pleased.”