On The Worst Year of My Life

(and What God Taught Me)

Intimidation Could Be an Indication

In August of 2021, we had a stirring in our hearts that just wouldn’t quit. We had been in Arizona for two years and carried a growing hunger to see God move in our area and in the lives of people we were getting to know. We asked Pastor Dave and Cheryl if we could host an Alpha under the umbrella of Coastal Church. Once they gave us the green light, we started inviting people to our house every Friday night.

At the time, it didn’t seem like a big deal. It was just an Alpha group in our home for fewer than ten people. But as launch day approached, I felt an indescribable amount of pressure. Intimidation is really the right word. I felt extraordinary intimidation, to a degree far bigger than the assignment itself.

I remember wondering, “Why does this feel so heavy?”
This verse from Joshua became anchored in my heart: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified or dismayed (intimidated), for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9, AMP).

During prayer one day, it struck me: perhaps the intimidation I was feeling was evidence that more was happening spiritually than we could see with our natural eyes. Suddenly, the awareness of that pressure became a confirmation that we needed to see this through.

Sometimes intimidation is actually an indication you’re on the right track.
When you move toward what God is calling you to do, resistance often follows. The enemy does not waste energy opposing things that have no eternal significance. So when intimidation comes, don’t automatically assume you’re failing. It may be a sign that God is preparing to do more than you can see right now and the enemy does not want you going through with it.

God Gives Pressure a Purpose

That little Alpha became the springboard for what would eventually become the Coastal Church Arizona Campus.

As the months went on, we saw God do incredible things. People encountered Jesus. Several committed their lives to Christ. We baptized people in our swimming pool. Some of our children’s friends even made decisions to follow Him. These remain eternal highlights for us.
At the same time, it seemed like we were personally walking through trial after trial.

In late 2021, I contracted a severe lung infection called Valley Fever, followed by a couple of painful relational betrayals. We also stepped out in faith to host a citywide marriage course that completely flopped. Then in May 2022, while on a business trip in Montana, my husband experienced a sudden medical emergency that nearly took his life.

I remember flying there unsure of what I would find, quietly wrestling with thoughts like, “Is this what ministry is like? The pushback? The fight? Will it always be this hard? I don’t know if I’m built for this.”

I could have related to Paul when he wrote in reflection of one of his hard seasons, “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself” (2 Corinthians 1:8).

But if you read on, you see that Paul also understood something we often don’t hold out long enough to catch, “This happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead” (2 Corinthians 1:9, NIV). With God, pressure has a purpose. God sometimes allows us to come to the end of ourselves so we learn dependence on Him instead of confidence in our own strength. That process is painful, but it is often where spiritual maturity is formed and unshakeable courage grows.

He uses hardship to deepen our faith, build endurance, and teach us that His grace truly is sufficient. That’s why Paul says we can rejoice in trials, because they produce endurance, strengthen our character, and develop a confident hope that helps us withstand hard times.

As Paul writes, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation” (Romans 5:3-4, NLT).
God does not merely help us survive pressure. He uses it to shape us.

Your Response Is Key

After several days, I was finally able to bring Patrick home. Doctors instructed him to spend the summer laying low and recuperating. He healed a little bit every day.

It was in this time, I came across Philippians 1:28, “And do not [for a moment] be frightened or intimidated in anything by your opponents and adversaries, for such [constancy and fearlessness] will be a clear sign (proof and seal) to them of [their impending] destruction, but [a sure token and evidence] of your deliverance and salvation, and that from God” (AMPC).

The phrase constancy and fearlessness stood out to me. Paul was not describing someone who never felt pressure. He was describing someone who kept standing despite pressure. Someone who refused to shrink back or retreat. Someone who just kept pressing back, one step at a time.

Paul says that kind of perseverance sends a message to the enemy. When Satan tries to intimidate us into quitting, shrinking back, or abandoning God’s call, our steady obedience becomes evidence that his defeat is coming. Every faithful step declares, “Your days are numbered. Jesus wins.”

That verse became a source of strength for us that summer. Instead of pulling back, by God’s grace, we kept moving forward. We continued hosting church every Sunday in our living room while Patrick recovered, and since we couldn’t travel, we decided to run another Alpha.

Today, we meet as a campus with 20–30 people each weekend. To many, that number may not seem significant. But to us, it represents miracles, transformed lives, and countless moments of God’s faithfulness. And honestly, some of the greatest growth wasn’t what happened around us–it was what happened inside of us. God was building endurance, dependence, faith, and courage that could withstand new levels of pressure.

Keep Taking the Next Step

Many people assume courage means never feeling fear. But Biblical courage is not the absence of fear, it’s obedience and faithfulness despite feeling afraid.

Maybe you are facing intimidation right now. Perhaps you feel pressure surrounding your family, your job, your health, or a step of faith you feel God calling you to make. Don’t assume the pressure means God has abandoned you. It may actually mean you are right where you need to be. Maybe you just need to keep taking one faithful, intentional step in the right direction, at a time. As you do, you may be white-knuckled, simply holding onto Jesus as tightly as you can — and that’s okay. Because God is not just building something external through what you’re going through; He is building you.