What Comes Out Under Pressure

In last weekend’s message, “Fruit that Grows Naturally,” Pastor Chris Karuhije shared how fruit of the Spirit is often revealed in opposite environments: “You don’t always discover what is growing in you while you’re peacefully reading your Bible with a cup of coffee. You discover it under pressure.”

That leaves a question worth reflecting on: what actually comes out of us when we’re under pressure, or during a difficult conversation? We don’t find out what’s really inside us during easy conversations, only hard ones: a loved one’s words that land wrong, a teammate who takes credit for your idea, a teenager who slams the door on their way out.

How are we supposed to respond with the fruit of the Spirit in the middle of actual conflict, not just in theory?

I’ve been there, and perhaps you’ve been there too. As a teenager, I lashed out at one of my aunts with hurtful, disrespectful words during a disagreement. Neither of us spoke to each other for a year. God eventually used another aunt, praying for us, I’m sure, and a family circumstance to force the two of us to talk again, and things slowly got better.

It was really when Jesus came into my life, set me free, and forgave my wrongdoing, including how I had treated her, that something actually changed. I made amends with her the best I could, and our relationship is far different now. As I let the Holy Spirit start transforming my heart, He became the one producing patience, kindness, and goodness in me. I am no longer the same person I was.

Before Christ, being squeezed revealed my sinful nature. After Christ, it became a process of letting Jesus prune my life. When squeezed during conflict now, I ask a different question, not how should I act better, but what’s actually in me? Is this from the Spirit, or from my flesh?

If it wasn’t good fruit coming out, I’d check whether I was actually abiding in the Vine. Jesus says in John 15:1-8 that unless we abide in Him, we cannot bear fruit, apart from Him we can do nothing. This kind of fruit doesn’t come through self-effort or trying harder; it grows when we’re plugged into Him as the source.

The fruit Jesus refers to is described by the Apostle Paul in Galatians 5:22-23:

Paul uses the word “fruit” in the singular, not plural. We may think of it as nine fruits of the Spirit, but it’s actually one fruit, like an orange with nine segments, one fruit with different aspects that all work together to make us more like Jesus.

Bible scholars often group the nine qualities into three natural triads: love, joy, and peace describe our relationship with God; faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control describe how we respond under pressure; and longsuffering, kindness, and goodness, our focus here, describe how we treat other people.

So when we’re in a difficult relationship tension, no matter how skilled we are in conflict resolution, it really comes down to walking in the Spirit, responding quickly in silent prayer, and letting the Holy Spirit produce longsuffering, kindness, and goodness right there in the situation. He guides us in the moment, convicts us when we’re in the wrong, and gives us the power to pause, step back, and choose our response instead of reacting.

This isn’t a one-time decision but a daily, sometimes moment-by-moment choice of faith. A.W. Tozer said it plainly:

So when tension rises, turn to the Holy Spirit. Ask Him in that moment to grace you to love the other person through patience, kindness, and goodness.

The Holy Spirit helps us pause before we reply, developing in us a capacity to endure difficult tensions without losing our cool. James 1:19 says we need to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.

Longsuffering, in the Hebrew, is literally “long nostrils”, an idiom for taking a long time to get angry. Picture the opposite: a cartoon character with steam pouring out of their nose! When the Spirit nudges us to slow down and not jump to conclusions, it makes room for kindness to follow. You’ll know this fruit is growing in you when you notice yourself responding calmly instead of snapping.

Ask the Holy Spirit to give you His eyes, to help you treat the other person the way God treats us: with consideration and care. In the moment, ask Him: Is this person hurt? Afraid? Unseen? Did I do something that made them feel that way? He is faithful to give discernment, or bring conviction.

Kindness isn’t softness or niceness, it’s staying curious about the person instead of defending your position. It’s understanding their point of view, and what they actually value. It shows up as thinking about what the other person needs, treating them with respect, looking for the positive, and choosing to walk in love.

Goodness is kindness with a backbone, doing what’s right even when it’s hard. Goodness chooses right over comfortable, or right over winning.

In most conflicts, if we’re honest, we played some part in it. When that’s true, the Holy Spirit can prompt us to own our part first, even if we’re only partly wrong, instead of waiting for the other person to go first.

Goodness sometimes takes courage, not just being agreeable. When needed, the Holy Spirit can guide us to hold truth and mercy in our hearts so we can speak the truth in love — to be both honest and kind at the same time, not one instead of the other.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” That kind of answer is possible when we stay connected to Jesus and cooperate with the Holy Spirit. He’s the Master Gardener who produces this fruit in us, we don’t need to strive or struggle to force it. Our part is to open ourselves to the Spirit and obey His leading; His part is to produce the fruit.

When we’re constantly abiding in Jesus, and the pressures of life and relational conflict rise up anyway, the Holy Spirit is faithful to help us slow down, see what the other person actually needs, and do the right thing, starting with a gentle answer.

An orange doesn’t produce its own juice by squeezing harder. It’s already there, formed slowly over a whole season of being connected to the tree. The next time you feel the pressure rising, that’s not the moment to try harder, it’s a moment to reach deeper for the Vine. Ask the Holy Spirit to do in you what Jesus has already been doing in you, producing longsuffering instead of a sharp reply, kindness instead of false assumptions, goodness instead of the easy way out. Little by little, you will see fruit coming out of you looking less like you, and more like Jesus.